What is ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) and Is It Right for You?

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In a world that’s constantly evolving, so are our ideas and beliefs about relationships. Gone are the days when monogamy was the only acceptable way to love and commit. Enter ENM, or Ethical Non-Monogamy, a term that’s gaining traction and turning conventional relationship norms on their heads. In this article, we’re going to dive into what ENM is, how it works, and whether it might be the right choice for you and your partner(s).

Defining ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy)

ENM, short for Ethical Non-Monogamy, is a broad umbrella term encompassing various consensual, non-exclusive relationship structures. It’s important to emphasize the word “ethical” here because the key to ENM lies in transparency, open communication, and mutual consent. The primary principle of ENM is that everyone involved is aware of and comfortable with the non-monogamous nature of the relationship.

Types of Ethical Non-Monogamy

Polyamory: Polyamory involves maintaining multiple romantic, emotional and sexual relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It emphasizes forming deep connections with multiple partners.

Open Relationships: In open relationships, couples agree to allow sexual or romantic connections with other people while maintaining their commitment to one another. Open relationships often have rules and boundaries to ensure trust and respect.

Swinging: Swinging is a form of ENM where couples engage in normally just sexual activities with other couples or individuals. Swingers often do this as a shared sexual experience and may have rules about whom they engage with.

Relationship Anarchy: Relationship anarchy takes a more fluid approach to love and relationships. It rejects societal norms and hierarchies, allowing individuals to define their connections without preconceived structures.

Is ENM Right for You?

Now that we’ve established what ENM is, the burning question remains: Is it the right choice for you? The answer isn’t a simple “yes” or “no” but rather depends on your individual desires, values, and communication skills. Here are some factors to consider:

Communication: Successful ENM requires exceptional communication skills. You and your partner(s) must be willing and able to discuss your desires, boundaries, and any concerns openly and honestly. If you struggle with communication, ENM may be challenging.

Jealousy and Insecurity: It’s natural to experience jealousy or insecurity in any relationship, but in ENM, these emotions can be amplified. You’ll need to work through these feelings together and have strategies in place to cope with them.

Time and Energy: Multiple relationships require time and energy investments. Consider whether you have the resources to maintain multiple connections, both emotionally and logistically.

Boundaries and Rules: ENM often involves establishing boundaries and rules to ensure everyone’s comfort and safety. It’s crucial to discuss and agree upon these guidelines with all parties involved.

Supportive Community: Finding a supportive community of like-minded individuals can be essential for navigating ENM. This is why we started the ENM Forum. We want to consolidate all of the ENM and poly resources into one website.

Personal Values: Reflect on your personal values and beliefs about love and commitment. ENM may align with your values if you value autonomy and freedom in relationships.

Relationship Health: Ensure that your current relationship (if you’re in one) is healthy and stable before exploring ENM. Non-monogamy should not be a way to escape or fix existing issues.

Honesty and Trust: ENM relies heavily on trust and honesty. If you or your partner(s) have a history of dishonesty or betrayal, it may not be the right time to explore non-monogamy.

Pros and Cons of ENM

Let’s break down some of the pros and cons of Ethical Non-Monogamy to help you weigh the decision:


  1. Expanded Emotional Support: ENM can provide a wider support network, as you have multiple partners who can offer emotional support and companionship.
  2. Exploration and Growth: It offers opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, allowing you to explore different aspects of your identity and desires.
  3. Variety and Excitement: ENM can inject novelty and excitement into your love life, helping to prevent stagnation in long-term relationships.
  4. Customizable Relationships: You have the freedom to define your relationships based on your unique needs and desires, rather than conforming to societal norms.


  1. Jealousy and Insecurity: As mentioned earlier, dealing with jealousy and insecurity can be challenging in ENM, potentially leading to emotional turmoil.
  2. Time and Energy Demands: Managing multiple relationships can and will be time-consuming and emotionally taxing, especially if you have a busy life.
  3. Communication Challenges: Maintaining open and honest communication can be difficult, and misunderstandings may arise if not managed effectively.
  4. Social Stigma: Society often stigmatizes non-monogamous relationships, which can lead to judgment, discrimination, or isolation from friends and family.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that challenges traditional monogamy, offering individuals and couples the freedom to explore multiple connections with transparency, communication, and consent at its core. Whether ENM is right for you depends on your individual values, communication skills, and willingness to navigate potential challenges.

Before embarking on an ENM journey, it’s essential to have open and honest discussions with your partner(s), set clear boundaries, and be prepared for the emotional complexities that may arise. Remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to relationships, and what matters most is that you and your partner(s) feel fulfilled, respected, and happy in your chosen relationship structure.